Angst: Part 1

I'm feeling mule-ish. Recalcitrant. Irritable (watch out, I may kick you.) The reason is cause I'm starting a new job. (okay, injuring myself hula- hooping then developing Achilles tendonitis and being in constant pain doesn't help) But mainly it's the new job.
Here are some possible reasons:
I'm lazy and work is, well work. Blech.
I don't like my routines changed.
It's change.
I don't know what lies ahead.
Learning the new computer system, billing, pay time sheets, not to mention collegues,. patient population is intimidating. Overwhelming.
I feel overwhelmed.
Maybe they'll find out what a faker I really am.
I have to wear pants with regular, non-elastic waist bands.
I have to walk around a lot and my foot hurts.
I have to get  lots of little things done, like have my ppd read, show proof of my MMR titers, get fit tested for a respiratory mask.
Then there's all the computer stuff.
Parking there is a bitch.
I'm the only one concerned about work life balance.
I'm going to have to ask permission to go on vacation.
Someone else can tell me what to do. Double blech.
I'll have a boss. Very hard for someone whose other motto is "You are NOT the boss of me!"
I have a desk with the residents.
Have I said I don't have the band width to learn two new computer systems?
And I have to do all this in under 10 hours a week? Seeing one patient- documenting, billing, making phone calls, talking to other staff- is at least one hour. And they are talking about adding more responsibilities.
And there is no regular schedule.

Plus, I still have my old full time job: home, Papoose, Hubs, not shopping, riding.

When am I going to ride?
Do I want to ride?
This will be angst, part 2.

Cause I'm Resting

http://zenhabits.net/2010/03/rest-one-day/

Help is on the way!

How does one pick a "word"? Well, it's not science but there are a few things to think about. The purpose of the word is to remind you of your greater goals. And a word to help you overcome inertia, if that what tends to hold you back, as it is in my case. And if it makes you smile  a little, even if wryly, that much the better.
For example, let's say you want to lose weight and you find yourself snacking even if you aren't really hungry. Research shows that delaying yourself for fifteen minutes often allows you to skip the snack.  So here are some words to consider:
"wait"- I like it because it it reminds you to wait and is a play on "weight".
"away"- because it reminds you to go away for a minute, has the sound of "weigh", and reminds you of your love to travel "away"
"desire"- is it really your desire to to eat now? Do you desire to lose weight more?
That's the starting point...

Eye Candy

Just A Pack of Cards

I am excited to see Alice in Wonderland.
I am not a huge Tim Burton fan, and I like Johnny Depp

 (he and Keith Richards in Pirates...how perfect were they?)
 enough, and the characters- the Mad Hatter, the White Rabbit, the Cheshire cat- but it's the story, Alice's story that I love so much. It's very Women Who Run With the Wolves (which should be required reading for every woman).
She falls down a dark hole. Things are tempting, nothing seems quite right. Others behave in strange, sometimes cruel ways. She's attacked for being who she is. Then, Alice's realization: You're all just a pack of cards! And she wakes up, herself, in a normal world.

It's a reminder to me that we often give things power over us, especially when in a dark, deep  place- that when we remember who we truly are, we are returned home, and those things that seemed so overwhelming? Why, they were just a pack of cards, scattered leaves in the wind.

One Word

One of the bloggers I read, Ali Edwards, picks a word for every year. Her word for this year was nurture. It made me wonder about what my word would be and after some deliberation, I came up with: GO

As in GO
to the barn
do the dishes
to Bar
to study
to work
make dinner
to the dog park
to the gym...

all the things that it is easier to just stay at rest rather than in motion.
What is your word?

What I have learned so far

Hubs said he felt the same way about this month as I did. That made me feel better. Dave Ramsey even says that  it takes a few months to get the hang of the zero budgeting.
You know what has inspired me though? You, my friends. Rainbow Brite told me she felt inspired when she cleaned her closet and more thoughtful when buying. Almond Roca said if I had more spending sprees, she'd use the bar on me if I bought more  a la Lululemon. (Umm thanks, I think.) One of the moms I know told me she switched to cash only purchases after we talked about zero spending.
Here is some stuff that I've read and found helpful:
1. Pay with cash. It is hard to part with.
2. Eat before you shop. Don't shop when you or any member of your party is tired, crabby or emotional.
3. Make a list, literally, plus what you think it may cost (even just mentally) - esp at places like Target.
4. Put the small items in first, with a running total in your head, before putting in the large items. It's easy to justify adding a bunch of little things after committing to buy something big. I'm not sure why.
5. Don't be afraid to "abandon ship" and leave stuff in your cart, virtual or real. I have left my cart behind and carried the few items I really needed to checkout. Is it rude? Maybe. But it's my cash.
6. Don't think "I can return it." Think, "I can purchase it later if I need it." because you want to
7. Stay out of stores. Like Oscar Wilde, I can resist anything except temptation, so why be tempted?
8. It seems paradoxic, but build in rewards, big and small. I noticed that it's at the end of the month that it is hardest to stick to the budget. For March, we planned for this.
9. Overbudget, underspend. It's rewarding.
10. Be accountable to others.